Poem of a Grieving Mother

I feel a bit like a fraud

Reading those poems about grief

Because despite how many people I’ve lost

I still can’t quite believe

That I have two other brothers

A grandma, an uncle or two

But mostly dearest little Sage

I can’t believe I had you

Me? A mother?

Then why do I feel the same?

And yet so vastly different

Than before I knew your name

I never got to hold you

Or see the color of your eyes

Or touch your straight or curly hair

Or listen to your cries

It feels like everything is broken

While simultaneously being numb

And like it’s just the beginning

But everything is done

Because what was my life before you?

How can I live and move on?

How can I just go back to normal

you were here and now you’re gone.

Yet nobody seems to quite realize

You were so much more to me

Than pregnancy tissue or a mistake

You were my precious baby.

I walk around acting just fine

People ask me how I’m doing

I tell them I’m healing well

But they don’t see me crying

Alone in the bathroom at night

Reading poems of heartbreak and grief

They just keep on living their lives

We all have schedules to keep

I don’t have a clear resolution

To this makeshift poem tonight

All I know is that I love you

And I’m blessed to call you mine